It Was A Bad Scene, Man

Hello everyone! (Nope. No crafty other languages this time. You won’t find me doing that again, unless you all want me to say Bonjour. There, I said it. Happy?) I am writing from just a few short days out of surgery. I am still a little groggy and disoriented, or at least that’s how I expect to be. I’m actually writing this the night before I go in, so that I can have something to post to tide you over until I get back on my feet. Oh, and have submissions.

Remember people, it is never too late you e-mail your story to RubyTwilight@verizon.net The story of which you will retain all copyrights to, but are simply agreeing to share on my site. Remember to use the subject “It’s Traffic Time,” and include your state, but not your city. You also can chose for me to put your first name on the blog along with your submission, a nickname, or nothing at all. Your choice. I’m easy to get along with.

So come on! Seize the day! Carpe Diem! You know you want to! (See, I don’t really know Latin either. I can speak quite a few languages, just no more than a few words of each. That doesn’t count, does it?)

Today I would like to share with you a story that happened to me June 19th while on my way to and from Aunt Bev’s house, where I was going to help her pick out a new computer. You can read more about that adventure on my other blog, which you will find here. I’m not forcing you to or anything. It’s just a suggestion. You know, in case you’re bored.

I live in a two stoplight kind of town. Actually, we only had one seriously unnecessary stoplight on the very outskirts of town, so I’m not even sure if it was technically in town, up until last year. Last year is when our small little town, if you could call it that, got the bright idea to make a perfectly safe and awesome three way a four way by adding a bridge that could fit all the cars in the entire town on it at one time. What I’m saying is that the bridge, although big and shiny, was completely unnecessary. There just weren’t enough cars to warrant building it, as the road we had was just fine. I think their intention was to build it for the UPS trucks that were clogging up the main part of town by going through it, but they don’t use the bridge and still insist on clogging up the town, so a lot of good that did. (One day I will tell you the many stories of the UPS drivers around here.)

On my way to Aunt Bev’s I had to go through the stoplight that is unnecessarily there right along with the unnecessary bridge. I mean, we don’t get enough traffic that we needed a stoplight at this four way. We could have done with stop signs. But what do I know anyway? I only live and drive around here, unlike the Penndot workers. *Sigh* Then again, once I tell this story, that could be much like shooting myself in the foot. Maybe I’ve spoke too soon.

When I got to the stoplight it was down. The stoplight facing my way was blinking red, while the one facing the bridge’s way was blinking yellow. They did this on purpose, I am sure, but in retrospect it was a stupid idea. Because you know what happened from here? Everyone pulled up in the straight lanes and turning lanes and SAT THERE.

Oh yeah, did I mention that they put turning lanes in, too? I didn’t. Oh, well they did, so that the whole ten cars that go through there each day can just sit there while they wait for the light to change in the boring turning lane. It was stupid, really. And I think we would have been okay sans the stoplight had there not been the turning lanes, as that just confused people. If they would have left it a normal four way, one lane each way, things would have been more than fine and dandy.

So now what we have is basically the whole ten people who were going to utilize that stoplight that day all just sitting there staring at each other, befuddled because there were people coming at them in all directions, in two lanes each way, as opposed to just one. No one could figure out how to move. They didn’t know how to utilize the road as if there were stop signs there because they were so thrown off by the blinking lights and the over excess of lanes. It was a bad scene, man.

Finally the car in front of me took the first plunge and then everyone put on their big people panties and followed after him, but for awhile there I thought I may grow old and gray while waiting there. Luckily, that did not happen. And then I came back the same way, as it’s really the only way to go to Aunt Bev’s unless you want to take the long way. And where I live, the long way is more like the loooooooong way, if you catch my drift. (If not, we’re kind of in a place where, if you don’t go the ONE way they give you, it will take you a month and a Christmas to go any other way, because you have to go through other towns and out and around everything else. Gah.)

When I came back it was still the same bad scene, only now it was just me and one other guy who, of course, had to be the guy in front of me and going my way. There were no other cars in site, no one coming at him from any direction, and yet he pulled up to the light and stopped dead. He just sat there. Proverbial tumbleweeds rolled by and birds stopped singing as the awkward silence of stupidity fell upon the land. Then, after several minutes of missed common sense, the person realized that the light was not going to stop blinking yellow and pulled out like a teenager in a get away car just “in case” someone else would happen to come. No one had come in those several minutes. Maybe in his older age he was senile? I don’t know.

The moral of the story: our town was perfectly fine before Penndot came in and messed it all up. We never had these issues, no one wondering whose turn it was. It was pure and absolute bliss until Penndot got involved. So thank you Penndot for making people even dumber. I really freaking appreciate it.